O.K. So while I’ve been gone…

Nothing what so ever has happened!

It’s just been a weird month that plugged into my hypochondriacal, so I’m going to die now am I, self, which only stopped yesterday afternoon.

Nope it wasn’t big.

Loads of people go through it.

BUT

I didn’t like it and I felt really really sorry for myself and really really annoyed that I was feeling sorry for myself and everything screeched to a stop as I planned for how I was going to react to my biopsy being positive.

Told you.

Hypochondriac.

Actually my doctor said that she had seen hypochondriacs and that I wasn’t one, but I’m pretty good at hiding my secret life of health anxiety so she didn’t know that I had already planned my funeral and given away all of my jewelry tools.

(Penny, you would have hit the jackpot! Especially as my imminent death didn’t stop me from buying more.)

Sooooo,

That’s about it folks.

I made it.

I’m still here.

And now that’s over I’m going to take my jewelry to the next level.

Again.

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In other new.

My dad’s here so that has also slowed down my days.

But I did manage to finish a piece for Leslie.

Blue Opal and Ocean Jasper

Back

 I’ve also finished a second piece for Leslie to consider, but I don’t like it and can’t concentrate as much as I would like to at the moment on making something better.

And before dad arrived I made a chain.

My first.

And I was pretty darn pleased with myself.

I started on a double one, but got the gauge wrong and haven’t been able to start another yet.

If you want to make chains this is a really good dvd.

And they’re really not as fiddly as you think they’re going to be.

Of course I haven’t got on to the triple double o.m.g. one yet so I’ll have to get back to you on that.

Throughout my trauma Spud has slept.

Without a care in the world.

Just to rub it in.

But I still love her.

Even though I had to restock on phone charging wires and computer leads.

She doesn’t discriminate. P’s leads are as much in danger as mine.

And she comes onto the bed at all hours of the night when she decides she needs to spend a couple of hours purring next to a human head at decibels exceeding those made by a pneumatic drill.

It’s all good.

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And finally, to all of my cyber friends who need a boost.

I have found our new motto…

May all your s#@* be amazing…

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Here there and everywhere…

New encaustic painting.

I call it,

Red fields with big yellow blobby flower things.

I’m still working on how I can get rid of the wax fumes. Yesterday I tried using a fan to blow the smell away from me, but the air just cooled the wax and I couldn’t use it properly. I’m thinking an extractor fan would be best, but then just how many extractor fans does a girl need.

I need a room that IS an extractor fan. Now that’s a thought waiting to happen.

I find the whole encaustic thing a bit messy which is saying A LOT coming from the messiest person alive.

How did I get to be so messy? We may never know. Sometimes I can barely move around the studio. I went in there once or twice to clean up when my dad and sister were here, but had to walk out again as I was immediately overwhelmed by it all.

I do try to put everything back as I use it on the jewelry table. And that works great until I get carried away with what I’m making and it all goes to pot.

Too easily distracted is my theory.

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I’m going to have to stop reading the news. It’s too depressing. I’m sitting here already having a little moment after reading about Gaza, and the children, and the airplane people, and all the terrible things happening around the world.

I’m thinking there should be a news channel with all good, positive news. I don’t mean sappy, puppy articles, but real, look what’s happening over here to fix things, and see, it’s working, articles.

But then what would happen to all the bad stuff. We can’t ignore it.

Yesterday I went to a local ministry to see if I could volunteer for the food bank place. I’ve been building myself up for it for a while now because I didn’t really want to get involved with all of that church stuff, but it’s definitely time to get over myself.

I was amazed that I hadn’t noticed the place before. I drive past it often. It’s right there on the road, and it takes up a whole strip center. I walked into the back office thinking it was just going to be food and resale, but there were loads of people in there waiting to be helped in terms of finding jobs and getting help with food and bills etc.

I felt so ashamed that I didn’t know.

Of course we all know, but going into the place just made everything real.

There were real people in there waiting to be helped, and here I was just driving past them every day.

I spoke to the volunteer woman, who told me that the food bank always has loads of volunteers and that no one was going to be moving from that part of the ministry soon, but I realized then that I could volunteer in many other departments.

I felt good about it, but then I went to bed and woke up a 3 a.m. worrying about all of the people, what I would have to do, would I be able to do it, would I want to do it, and if I did do it, would I be shot doing it.

Because obviously these people who have nothing are angry and resentful and violent.

Then I lay awake for the next hour or so feeling even more ashamed of myself that I could think so little of people, and so much of myself.

Sorting cans at the back of the food bank seemed so safe in comparison to actually meeting real people.

So now I’m waiting for them to call back to schedule a tour and orientation. That’s the problem really, I needed to just start right in. Apparently they need to vet their volunteers first though. Seems a bit harsh.

I’ve tried volunteering before. I worked at the local hospital once, but that didn’t go down well with my hypochondria. I always came home with some new disease or condition. I had to give up reading Susan Hill’s Inspector Serrailler books for that reason. His sister was a doctor. I could handle the murders just not the side stories where the doctor had to deal with illnesses I’d never even heard about. Kind of spoiled the whole head chopped off with an axe part for me.

And that’s my news for today. It’s all a bit of a waffly, a bit sad, a bit dreary kind of a day. P’s gone to San Diego, or somewhere that starts with a S. He’ll be back later so that’s o.k., and I’m going to see what else I can do with the fan so that I don’t have to die sooner rather than later because of the old wax fumes.

I’ll figure it all out one day.

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The meaning of life …

So, prepare yourself for the next couple of days, or more likely weeks, when the hypochondria sets in, once again, as I’ve just finished sanding S’s room and found, wait for it, white stuff under my mask.

Yes, I should have brought out the big mask. The, oh my god it’s so uncomfortable but I will die if I breath in any of these glaze mixing powders if I don’t wear it mask. But no. I brought out the smaller, white, does this really do anything mask, which I wear when I’m sanding my jewelry while wondering if it’s really doing anything.

Panic hasn’t set in yet but I did come down and, straight away, ate three baby satsumas.

That’ll work, right?

Healthy, juicy, satsumas clear out dust filled lungs in minutes. Don’t tell me otherwise as I’ll have to go into the fetal position again and it will be days, well, mostly nights, spent on high alert for any twinge, cough, or ache.

God, I can feel it now …

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For Christmas I think I want a new brain. One that laughs in the face of imminent doom.

Like this.

Hahaha – HA!

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It’s so hard being me.

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BTW, so you know, I just asked Siri what the meaning of life is, because I’m still trying to find out, and she replied:

Try to be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try to live in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations.

She replied, of course, when I thanked her.

Creepy eh?

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Rain, computer trauma and hypochondria.

It’s raining – again. The pool has overflown. It’s been raining for days. Last summer the most water the garden got is if we spat on it. Terrible times for lots of areas that lost homes to fires here in Texas. This year no doubt there will be homes damaged by flooding. I haven’t checked the news yet but I suspect this might be the case for some homes today. I hope not.

That said, I love the rain. Not the drizzling, every day the same, grey, dismal kind of rain, but, the black skies downpour with thunder and lightning kind. Not so keen on the pool overflowing though.

Dropped my computer.

Placed it on the table and it slid off.

Fortunately it still works and the power cord still fits. Wasn’t really sure what that screwed up socket is but am told its the ethernet. Don’t use that so I guess I’m o.k. The screen is a little off it’s hinges but so far seems to work. Been pushing for a new one but the people who think they’re in charge say no. I have to learn to look after my things, they say … I might have to ignore them but we’ll see. On the whole I think it gives it some kind of character, at least I know which is mine.

Just found out that the flux I’ve been using contains fluorides. Now, I’m not too sure what this means. I know from the warning on the tube that its perhaps not good, but, my hypochondriacal self doesn’t want to find out the specifics. I tried looking on the internet but just couldn’t bring myself to click on the articles.

NOTE: If you’re reading this and know – please don’t tell me as I’ll have to curl up in a fetal position and not come out again.

I do know that my thyroid has been off and I’ve had to up my meds for it. I also know that fluoride affects this. Whether it’s the same kind of fluoride, I don’t know, but I’m now on the look out for a good, non fluoride, flux. I’ve found a few but am holding out for when I’m sure. I’m also looking into a better extractor fan for over the solder area. P set up one for me a couple of months ago but I don’t think it works. I haven’t the heart to say. (O.K. I do and I did, but I appreciate that he made it for me). I don’t really want to spend the $800 or so price for the one I found on the jewelry sites, so I’m going to see if we can’t explore different versions of the one P made. Just bigger, better, stronger – without the six million dollar price tag. S is home from school now so I might set him on it. He’s pretty good at figuring things out.

Other than that, not a lot going on really. Been doodling. Been making stuff. Put a ‘0’ on my ruler – finally. Been moping around trying to find the next book to read. I think I’ve settled on, House of sand and fog, by Andre Bubus, although I can’t hold my breath on it. Been trying to lose weight but have put on five pounds. Think that’s my thyroid thing, at least that’s what I’m going with.

Same ol’ stuff really.

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